


Deputy Downer

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e07 The Portland Trip, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-01
Updated: 2006-05-01
Packaged: 2019-05-30 10:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh's thoughts on a sleepless night.





	Deputy Downer

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

`I don't own these characters.`  
I know so many people brilliantly interpreted Josh and Donna from the  
Portland Trip but I couldn't let Josh's comments go without making it  
right in my own head.

Spoilers:The Portland Trip

            I'm an idiot.  I'm a jerk.  I'm a terrible person.  I'm a  
downer.  Deputy Downer to be exact.  And now I must lie here in bed  
and obsess over my actions.  It's been a long eventful day but the  
only thing I can think about is the look and Donna's face. I caused  
that look.  I'm going to rot in hell.

             So now I lie here in bed at 3 am.  I toss and turn. My  
pillow and blaket are causing me emotional distress.  I can't seem to  
get comfortable.  I close my eyes and the events of the evening keep  
playing over and over in a constant loop.

             I see myself sitting at my desk on the phone with  
Leo.  "The President likes long flights", I hear my self say into the  
phone.  I am aware of Donna fluttering around my desk. She picks up  
my legs and drops them back down apparently searching for some file.   
It's all so normal.  It's all so.........Donna.  And then she  
switches off the light.  Little did I know that when we leave the  
room life as I know it would being to unravel.  
   
              I tell her about my meeting with Skinner.  We walk out  
into the bull pen.  She rattles on about having plans.  This catches  
my attention.  Because Donna can't have plans.  It's not natural.   
She tells me to look at her.  I do.  And it's like all the lights in  
the building have been turned up a notch.  Or maybe it's just the  
light bulb in my head.  I take a good look at her.  Up and down.  My  
heart races.  This is Donna.  Donna always looks good.  She's always  
put together nicely.  But it's always at the office.  In clothing  
appropriate for the White House.  But now she's standing before me in  
a tight, clingy, opened back, Red dress.  And how do I, Josh Lyman,  
Ivy leaguer respond to my assistant who has suddenly turned into a  
goddess.  I say the very eloquent....  
            
             "Hey you look good.",  Yes, I was a fulbright scholar.   
Then I think I made a comment about how she didn't have that on  
earlier.  Which I think is pretty obvious because had she had that on  
during the day it would be needless to say that I would have gotten  
no work done.

            So now struck by the overwhelming urge to take Donna into  
my nice dark office and lock the door I suppress it by forceing  
banter about stealing and dresses.  My curiosity eventually gets the  
better of me and I have to know what Donna is going to be doing  
wearing a dress like that.

            She says something about Dinner...Dancing...Desert...It's  
all very fuzzy because I find it hard to concentrate.  I can not let  
Donna go out all night looking like that with some guy she barely  
knows.  I will absolutely not stand for it.  He'll be a jerk.  He  
won't treat her right.  He'll lear and probally grope Donna.  My  
Donna. I mean my assistant. 

            I'm arrogant.  Donna knows this.  She accepts it. Most of  
the time.  So when I put my foot down and tell her to be back in an  
hour and five minutes it's not unusual or out of character.  She  
pouts.  But I can deal with pouting.  I can not deal with  
Donna....Suddenly I get a mental picture of Donna sleeping with this  
GUY.  This guy who isn't me.  I don't know where these feelings are  
coming from but I feel physcially ill.  I see him touch her face and  
push her hair back.

            Donna's still talking and now she's striking a pose in  
her dress..........Dear God help me. 

            "If your thinking of having sex you better do it during  
dinner." I do have a way with words.

            And now Donna is rambling about feelings and vibes.  I  
point out she barely knows him and she met him for five minutes at a  
party.  And then I do the unthinkable.  I'm confused.  I don't know  
what the hell is happening to me.  My parents paid good money to  
provide me with an education to help curb confusion.  Lot of good it  
is doing me now.  I don't handle confusion well.  It's not something  
I'm really familiar with.  So when I get confused I get defensive, I  
get mean. I got mean with Donna.

           "Actually you have no sense................."  I can't  
even think about what I really said.  It makes me feel like such an  
ass.  But it had a lot to do with her having horrible taste in men,  
Her desire to be coupled and her self worth.  I basically told her  
she had no sense of self.  I lashed out.  To mask my own feelings.   
What I really meant was that she has horrible taste in men because  
every man she dates is not me. I'm jealous and I am taking it out on  
her.  I told you I was a jerk.

           Too make it worse I hurt her.  I can see it in her eyes  
and I heard it in the small crack in her voice when she called me a  
downer.  I want to take it all back.  I want to take her in my arms.   
Ofcourse I do none of those things.  All I do is tell her to be back  
by the time I am done with Skinner and I leave.

           Can you see why I'm suffering from insomnia?  I'm a  
bastard.

  
            All through the night, all through my meeting with  
Skinner I would get these flashes of Donnas hurt eyes. I swear it was  
causing me to lose my game a bit with Skinner. And then she showed up  
in the mess.

            My heart lept for joy when I saw her.  Because with one  
look I knew things had not gone well on her date with what's his  
name....Tim? Tom? Todd.  My heart cheered because I knew I hadn't  
lost her.  She was still my Donna.  At the end of it all she came  
back to me.  Ofcourse she didn't have  much choice.  I did kind of  
force her.  It's one of my privledges of being a boss.  As she left  
and walked away I tried to turn back to Skinner to finish our  
conversation but I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.  Her  
shoulders were slumped.  Her blond hair fell around her shoulders.   
She looked so sad, so lost. I could kill that guy for making her feel  
bad.  That's when it hit me.  I got the earth shattering revelation  
that it was possible that maybe tonight I contributed to her sadness.  
I had to fix it.  But first I had buisness to take care of.

              After Skinner left I saw Donna talking to Ainsley  
Hayes.  I did have a legitamate question to ask her but it was also a  
good opportunity to be near Donna.  I came up from behind her.  I was  
so close I could smell her hair.  It was intoxicating.  It was also  
just shampoo, but I'm a simple man.  But then she walked away.  I  
finished with Ainsley, I took a phone call from Toby and now  I had  
to talk to Leo.

               Donna put on her coat and followed me out.

               "Tonight sucked" I wanted to turn to her and say good,  
ha! I told you so.  I didn't.  Instead I took the high road.  
              
               "I'm sorry about that.", Score one for Lyman  
   
               Then she tells me about the date.  Turns out Todd is  
an insurance lobbyist. I could have predicted the outcome of this  
date before she even left.  But whatever.  It's not the point.  Right  
now would be the time for me to come clean with her.  Explain why I  
said those hurtful things to her.  Once again I did not.  Instead I  
said I had to go see Leo.  But as soon as I turned i knew I couldn't  
leave it like this.  With those words still hanging between us. So I  
turned back around and decided to reveal a little of what I was  
feeling. 

                "you looked really great in that dress tonight Donna,  
You should buy it for yourself"  Our eyes lock.  She smiles a little  
but I still see a little sadness.  I can't fix it.  Not now.  I can't  
find the words.  I'm not ready.  So I turn and walk away.

                 And now I obsess.  I toss and turn.  I look at the  
clock it's now 7 am. I groan.  Where did the night go?  Why did I  
have to be such a jerk?  The phone disrupts my thoughts.  First I  
think who the hell is calling me on a saturday! But then I know.  I  
leap for the phone.``  
               ``  
                 "Hello?" , I think my voice actually cracked.``  
               ``  
                 "Morning Deputy Downer."``  
               ``  
                 I smile becuase for now she's mine.  We'll live to  
fight another day. Someday some slimeball will try to steal her away  
from me.  But someday I might be able to finally come clean with her.  
But not now.  Not this morning.  This morning Donnatella Moss called  
ME and not some obnoxious guy named Todd.  That has to count for  
something...Right?  


The End 

  

  


End file.
